So what? I got a phone. A freakin’ Blackberry Pearl. Am I a hypocrite? Yes, yes I am. But the good thing is that, unlike others, I can admit it. I can swallow it. And I can look at myself in the mirror.
I’m not going to bore you with a bunch of “I needed its” or “work required its” or other explanations or excuses. I got it, that’s that.
Call me.
Dear Hannaford Bag Boy,
Why are you single-handedly trying to smother the Earth in plastic bags? Do you have something against soil? Grass? Pebbles? Stoneconcretesandflowerbedsgravelmulchflowingfieldsofwheat?
Was there some sort of traumatic experience you had as a kid that left you feeling less than snuggly toward our planet?
If so, digress. Please. Because as I see it, you’re on a mission to pollute. I mean, here I am, the lowly purchaser of grocer goods, trying to make my little dent in trying to save the world and all you do is nullify my every attempt.
Things you do that piss me off:
When I come to shop and try to check out with an annoying bulge of recycled Hannaford plastic bags from my house you ignore their very presence until I notice too late and have to accept that I have all new plastic packed purchases and my old bags.
When I request paper, you pack the paper bags in plastic bags? I mean, that defeats the whole purpose for me. Now I’m creating extra waste for crying out loud!
You insist on putting only a very few items into each bag. I’m not 80! Load that shit up!
One time you put the meat with the fruit and I almost barfed – not separated by the special plastic bag for meat. that, I understand. use that.
Why do I have to put all my produce in a separate bag, only to have you bag all the bags? Come on!
I have also noticed that Hannaford has stopped offering $.05 for every plastic bag customers bring in. I see your alliance. You are the Panthor to their Skeletor.
I really hope we can resolve this problem without me having to go out and buy those stupid little canvas bags with butterflies and catchy Earth Day sayings on them.
Until we meet again.
Suspiciously,
Molly
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