I'm Going to Beat Up the Economy

 

Just so you know, I've been lifting weights. Yeah, that's right. I've started going to the gym again and when I get all buff and tough, I'm totally going to kick the economy's ass on the playground.

What has the economy done to me you ask? Pssht, what hasn't  it done to me lately. I feel like I'm in some sort of abusive relationship with it like I'm dating one of the girls from School of Rock. It's all hair pulling and naughty words and frankly, I've had enough.

Some may say that I'm resorting to childish means. I say screw 'em, I'm fed up. I'm desperate. I'm going to show that bully who's boss - fourth grade style. I mean, what am I suppose to do when I get handed a note from the Bush Administration that's all: "Jobs, sure we have jobs." Then later that same day CNN passes me a note saying: “Unemployment rate is the highest it's been in years." Well make up your mind, Economy, which is it? Am I to be employed or not?  I'm not talking a rinky-dink Burger King gig, I'm talking putting-my-two-degrees-to-use-and-earning-a-hefty-salary job. Whatever, I circle "no". As in "Oh, no you didn't!"

Enough already with all the false promises in The Land of (No) Opportunity and the constant picking-on-the-new-kid crap from tangled immigration laws. Not to mention the bailout of the popular "Big Three" car clique. Just because they have fancy designer suits and fly in private jets doesn't make it okay. Especially when we're being evicted from home room and could use a little support.

So I'm jabbing, punching, twisting, pushing, jumping, hooking, pressing, running, sweating and lifting my way toward total body workout all in the name of kicking the economy's derrière. Who's coming to the gym?