Night Ride (r)

"Hullo, where you go?" He seemed to have popped out of nowhere. Eight of us had just finished dinner at E Saan, a local Thai restaurant, just a hop, skip and a jump away from both our school and living accommodations. With multiple levels, an algae-green spouting fountain in the middle, balcony set with Christmas lights and an open-air kitchen, it was a good deal. The place even had its own litter of puppies lolling around and sneaking up and nipping your toes. I was especially found of the white pup, its face divided down the nose with tan on one side and white on the other.
After a delicious meal of soupy coconut curry chicken and multiple shared dishes, we decided to go downtown to a local pub, O'Malley's, to start the night. O'Malley's is the only Irish bar in town and is run--funny enough--by an English man and his Thai girlfriend. It has sort of become the TEFL hangout bar and they offer a grand "Two for One" Chang beer night... But that was last night and that is a different story. Tonight was Friday night. As the mob of us left the restaurant and walked onto the sidewalk and into the night air heavy with curries, fish sauces and herbs, we were greeted by a slight drizzle and heavy traffic.
It was getting late, nine already. So we decided to all take motor taxis as people were waiting for us to arrive. As eight of us stood on the corner anticipating the usual 'meep, meep' of the motorbikes (aka scooters) we were surprised that not one had driven by in the past 40 seconds. Figures right? When you don't need one, you are swarmed. When you do need one, they are no where to be found.
Finally, one wheels over after Charlie, a blond from England with an infectious laugh and large eyes, hopped into the street waving her arms.
"Alright, two to a bike, yeah?" Dean, the big brother of us all, instructs. "You two get on this one here, yeah. And we just have to get a few more, and we should be good, eh?" Charlie and Tony begin climbing onto the bike while Dean gives the driver instructions.
Meanwhile, I'm looking up the road to see if I can flag another down. As I'm peering into the night with the hood of my raincoat protecting my face from the drizzle, I turn and am surprised by a small Thai man, his arms out to his sides as if he is going to give a bear hug palms up, "Hullo, where you go?" His wide missing tooth smile climbing from ear to ear.
"Uh, O' Malley's." I look around a little confused. This guy just, like, materialized out of thin air.
"Where'd he come from?" Suzie, a nice Liverpool native, half whispers to me with a perplexed look reflecting the one on my face.
"I dunno?"
"Right, okay. Here's another. Who's on this one?" Dean asks while his hands give directions to the previous bike carrying the other two.
"Where you go?"
"O'Malley's...Irish bar...You know?" I ask him.
"No problem. Okay, okayokayokayokay." He half spins back to his bike.
"Okay?"
"Yeeees. O'Malley's. No problem." He lets out a little chuckle, more of a 'hehehehehe' than a chuckle. It has an eerie kind of giggle aspect to it; it's the kind you'd let out as a kid when you saw something you knew you weren't supposed to and thought that maybe you'd get in trouble, "50 baht."
"Two people?"
"Yeeeeeaaah. 50 baht. No problem."
"30 baht."
"Oooookay. No problem." ...And the chuckle returns.
Right, I think to myself as I hop on the back of the bike.
"Don't worry about us. We'll get the next motor." Suzie calls as she and her Scottish boyfriend, Matt, continue to look up the street. The first bike motor offs and Dean walks toward us. Meanwhile, the driver had been talking to me. Mind you, I have no idea what he is saying, and it is starting to seem a little weird. Especially when he begins to lets out that chuckle...
"Who's coming on? Let's roll." I say. Dean hops on and the bike almost topples over.
"Hehehehe, no problem." and we wheel off, a little wobbly, down the road. We see our other two friends walking on the side of the street.
"Heeeey!" we call out, thinking that we'd just fly by. But our driver decides that he wants to have a little chat. Maybe he forgot we were on. He asks the guys if they want to see girls and we all kind of give each other 'the eyes'. You know, the 'wait a minute what's up with this guy' eyes. Yeah.
We give the driver a tap to make him go, "No problem. Hehehehee. Girls. HAHA." He says to himself as we wobble back into traffic. Well, actually. It is kind of a problem. I'm not really ready to die. Because at this point I realize that this dude is either drunk, stoned, or something else. I just got done a heated conversation about crack cocaine being a huge growing problem in Phuket and with this guy's missing teeth and demeanor, I become a little uneasy. Dean and I look at each other and it's obvious we are both thinking the same thing. I lean forward and give him a little sniff. He doesn't smell like alcohol. This guy just talks away in Thai, laughing to himself and asking us questions. You can tell he is going through his Farang repertoire. We have no idea what he is saying. We just kind of nod, say "kha" and "Krup" and hope to God we make it to O'Malley's.
He is weaving in and out of the lane, wobbling all over the place. This is it. This is how I'm going to go? They'll have to tell my loved ones I was on my way to the bar and a drunk taxi driver singing 'You are Always on My Mind' crashed and killed us. That's it. Dear, Lord. He continues singing and I join in with him for two reasons: one- if I'm going to go, I'm going to be having a good time, two- he drove a LOT better when he was singing. We approach a light and I can see the green counting down, "3,2,1...No problem" he calls out as we wheel right through. Geezus. We pass the street O'Malley's is on and holler to him to pull over. Half in relief, half in just wanting to get the frick off of the death bike.
We pay the man and burst into O'Malleys, "You'll never guess what just happened..."

*To the parental figures. Lessoned learned just sharing funny story. No lectures please. HA!