Patong, tong, tong tong tong.

"I'm frum Switzerland, yeah. My friend, he's frum Norgwey."
The little Thai girl in her string tank top and too tight jeans smiles and nods. I saw her walk by a second ago...Alone.
"You go and I follow. Get un veer frum da shop."
I watch as the large Swiss follows the girl down the front of the bars while he slobbers and struggles into his black tank top. I glance away to the ocean, half smirking to myself. I take in a breath as the crystal water rolls out to low tide. I scan back in their direction; like a drug, I can't look away. She is showing him her motor bike and he hands her his beer as he wheels it out of the parking spot. Rotated to leave, he hops on. She climbs onto the back, almost falling off from his size, and hands him her jazzy helmet. He squeezes his fat head into it and off they go...
That's kind of the scene at Patong beach. That, tourists, and people trying to sell you something. Every middle aged man has a hot little Thai girlfriend? Doubtful. Maybe for a few thousand Baht and a time limit they do. Yowza.

I walked into town today (I think the taxis are really starting to hate me. I'm the only one that walks. They beep. I smile. They ask, "Where you go?" I answer, "Mai Kha." they wheel off and it all happens again about 50 times into town). I reached the market, the supposive hub of buses and after a little cruising around and squinty eye reading of signs I was directed to Phuket Patong bus. As I surveyed the digs, a man on the bus in front started asking me, "Where you go?" He was a bit strange and he straddled the back pole of the bus, his legs dangling like Willow tree spindles.
"Patong."
"Ah, Patong, Patong. Patong, Patong. Patong, PAtong!"
Okay, he was a bit odd. I just smiled and boarded my bus...In the back...Away from him. For 20Baht (50 cents) I bumped along to Patong. Of course my seat was the one with the rickety window rattling away in my ear, but at least I could enjoy the view. We climbed up and over a mountain, (and when I say climbed I actually mean crawled up. It was like the little bus that could. I just keep saying I think we can. I think we can). The mountain broke off on the side to cliffs falling into a valley and at the top there was the most amazing view of my city surrounded by jungle covered mountain and littered with red roofed houses. The sun fell right into the city creating dark shadows that creeped up into the mountains. I nodded.
We descended and wrapped around a corner and there she was, Patong with all her crystal blue wonder and white sand gorgeousness. I hopped off the bus and started my exploration. My feet took me straight to water's edge, the surf tickling my toes and pulling my legs into it's warm wetness. Beach. Walking up the beach you find lots of beach chairs. For 50 baht you get one, an umbrella, and a nice Thai to cater to your whim. It was quite nice.

As the day went on my stomach grumbled, letting me know that I had forgotten something: lunch. After much cruising I settled on a place and had Massaman curry. Which is basically a thick curry (aka soupy for you non-curry lovers) with chicken over rice. God, this food is good. As long as I don't get a fish head and other waterdwelling appendages I'm fine. Choosing food in Phuket is like playing the lottery. It's a game of survey, point, and hope to God it isn't some sort of seafood dish. Tonight I'm going to try the brown one. The other day I had an interesting fish pastey oystery one. Bad move. Don't get the milky white one. Molly No like.

Patong is lined with shops, massage parlors, shops, restaurants, shops, and oh, shops. It's like Old Orchard beach in Maine. Only these aren't stores. There aren't any stores for the most part. Everything is tarped roofed and in little cubes with the front completely open and the walls lined with whatever it is that certain shop sells.
"Tuk, Tuk?"
"Madame, a scarf. Madame, you like? One minute, you look inside"
"CD?"
"'allo. You look inside?"
"allo Madame, you like beach shirt?'
"Tuk, Tuk?"
"Tour? You want elephant?"
"'allo. Come see. Silk"
Jeepers people! Can't a girl just walk down the sidewalk rimmed with shops and NOT buy something? Apparently they didn't think so. But I didn't. HA! One point me.

I t was getting late so I went in search of my dear Tuk Tuk as it was too late to catch the bus. It stops at 5. But I wasn't worried. If there is one thing that there isn't a shortage of it is transportation. I bargained with a motor taxi man and hopped on. That's right, folks... On the back of one of these crazy motorcycle taxis. Rush hour. We went a totally different way then I had in the morning. Maybe it's Thailand's way to make tourists sympathize because I went through some seriously hurt areas. I'm talking tin huts on stilts. It was humbling. But we did go over the mountain and I got a glimpse of that spectacular view as we whirled with the other bikes, cars, and carts.

Ah, my town.